© 2019 by Dafna Golan-Carbone

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Natural Wellness Associates

1361 S Winchester Blvd, Suite 206

San Jose, CA 95128

My Why

It breaks my heart that we can’t talk to each other. It breaks my heart that moms (and dads) are being shamed, blamed, and pointed at by other moms (and dads). Being a parent is hard enough. It’s lonely enough. And now we’re adding divisiveness in our society because we have no choice but to be heavily influenced by media, large scale campaigns, and a fast-paced, don’t look to deeply, quick to judge, attitude. 

We don’t take time to ask questions, be curious, try to see another point of view, and the pinnacle is that we generally can’t maintain the possibility that there could me more than one option, more than one “truth”, that nothing is absolutely black or white, that I can hold one opinion, you can hold another, and we can still be great friends.

 

We’re equating opinions with absolute, non-negotiable, truths. We are trying to control the unknown by enforcing said “truths”. Instead of accepting the fact that no one really knows what was right until something goes wrong. 

But we can’t handle it, because that means we have no real control. So instead we try to control each other and get people on “our side” so we don’t feel lonely when shit hits the fan, or so we can gloat if we were right.

 

My big why is world peace. My big mission in life and work is to get us a little bit closer to the probability of peace. I am not talking about international or national level peace. I’m talking about person-to-person peace. Because, after all, that’s where it starts and ends. If we can’t be peaceful with each other, we can’t be peaceful as a society on any level.

In my work I help people have peace with themselves. That’s the first step. When we can honestly look at ourselves, the need to blame others for anything lessens. If we can just be a little more self-involved, and a lot less other-involved, we could have peace.

 

I grew up in the Middle East. The idea of peace seemed an impossible dream.

 

Whenever a baby is born in Israel, there’s a saying that is always uttered. “When you grow up there will be no more wars.” This has been said for decades. It is yet to come true. This saying comes from deep heartache. From parents who have lost their boys and girls to war and terrorism. My country has been grief stricken since well before I was born, and I was born into that grief. With that grief, my country was not wallowing in self-pity or victimhood. There was a job at hand, and self protection was the name of the game. As a society we stopped asking for permission, and did what we had to so we could live.

 

As an introverted child I was watching everything that was happening around me. I watched the grief, I watched the bravery, I watched the love, and I watched the hate.

But I couldn’t form a strong opinion. I couldn’t tell you what was absolutely right and what was absolutely wrong. I was indecisive. I have been indecisive my entire life. I would always try as best I could to hide the fact that I was indecisive. I was ashamed of it. There is no glory in indecision. One cannot win a war with indecision. One cannot make change with indecision. One cannot succeed with indecision.

I didn’t challenge anyone’s point of view because I didn’t have a strong one for myself. So I seldom spoke or expressed any strong opinion. Because what if I was challenged? I’d have nothing to back it up.

 

When I was 18 my parents moved across the world. I was supposed to join the Israeli army, as service is mandatory. I didn’t want to serve in the army. I was a super shy, introverted kid. Not really something you would equate with a soldier. But it was my civil duty. So I went with the flow and stayed. 

That first year was the worst year of my life. I hated pretty much everything about the service. And to this day you will not catch me wearing plain white or black socks. Ever.

So this shy kid had to learn how to assemble, disassemble, and shoot an assault rifle. Are you Effing kidding me?! That, that was the worst day of my life. And it was just a shooting range.

 

The service completely transformed me and I was a much stronger person, but I was still….indecisive.

I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life. What I wanted to study. If I even have a mark to leave in this world.

So I studies Music Therapy. Best years of my life. But then I realized that I didn’t want to be a music therapist. That sent me into a downward spiral blaming myself for my indecisiveness. FINALLY, I got it! I wanted to work with infants, which lead me to working on the mind-body as a whole, and today I am a pretty great holistic practitioner. In the world of mind-body medicine there is no room for surface level decisions/opinions/diagnoses. If I was a super decisive, one-size-fits-all kind of person, I would crash and burn. 

 

But through my experiences as a practitioner and a mother of young children, I’m understanding more and more of the power of indecisiveness which is really being open to what is in the moment and not hanging onto a point of view. It’s about being conscious. It is SO powerful, so life-giving, so fundamental.

 

I believe that indecisiveness, AKA suspension of disbelief coupled with an open and curious mind, is the key for peace.

 

I am not an expert in world peace. I am not here to tell you how things are supposed to be, what laws and rules of conduct should be changed, and how to fix the world’s problems. That’s what experts are for. I’m here to make you pause. I’m here to make you think. I’m here to make you consider that maybe we’ve been doing things wrong, and maybe you can come up with a better way, a solution, or be the catalyst for positive change in your community.

 

In the past decade I worked with hundreds of moms and babies as an infant development parent coach as well as a mind-body medicine practitioner and trainer. I see how moms have to operate under fear coming from multiple sources including well-meaning mom friends. I see how lonely moms feel. I see how their experience is affecting their precious babies.

 

I am a mom to two young children, I moved across the world 3 times, I married outside my born-into religion and culture, my livelihood is helping people gain insight into themselves, self-heal, and be the best role models they can be to their children. I give them practical tools as well as guide them through their healing journey, because I believe that peace starts before birth. When a mom is at peace with herself, she can be at peace with her baby, who can grow up to be at peace with herself and radiate peace to her community and thus the world.

 

My heart's desire is to help you or someone you know find that peace.

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